A Love-Hate Relationship

I’ll let you into a little secret. I have a love-hate relationship with my blog.

I love to write. I am a passionate advocate for the improvement of spelling, punctuation and grammar. I long to share my stories with the world.

And yet…

When I allow others to read my work, I experience an intense vulnerability. I am at the mercy of the reader’s own interpretation of my work; their preferences, their critique. I open myself up for anyone to make their judgement upon my work and my person. There is so much of myself that I lock away from the world in my everyday existence that manifests itself when I put pen to paper. My penned nakedness terrifies me.

I can also tend to be a perfectionist. Nothing is ever  truly complete; a sentence here can be replaced for a more apt description, a paragraph there can be refined and redefined. The quality of wishing to present your best and hone your creation is a good one; however, for me, I have found it to be crippling. I stop myself before I can even write. I judge my ideas while they are still in embryonic form. Stoned to death before a character can even come to life.

As an aspiring writer, it is an important goal of mine to write regularly. I’d write daily if I could. Yet I find myself thwarted by the fear of my exposure and the crippling perfectionistic mindset. So I started my blog, this blog that I love and hate.

I hate it because in order to keep myself posting regularly, I have given myself rules that I must follow. These rules are simple but important. I write whatever occurs to me in the moment, and, apart from one quick read through for typographical errors, I do not allow myself to edit. My hope is that through this I will see some of the contributors to my writer’s block removed from my path, and that by writing freely I will develop my voice.

I love it because in the midst of the fears, uncertainties, the not knowing who has read it and what their response to my work has been, I have set myself free. Even the most brilliant of writers in the world have had criticism sent their way, and not every genre and style will appeal to every person. I am bound to find someone who dislikes my work, if I am to be a writer. I have set myself free from this cage and I am hopeful for today and the days ahead. Sometimes, oftentimes, I have to remind myself of these truths. But with each word I release, I am set free.

4 thoughts on “A Love-Hate Relationship

  1. Freely expressing yourself in the moment without taking time to judge, correct, and edit is the key to unlimited creativity and freedom! It’s pure truth of that moment. You go Beautiful. You are already there.. xxx

  2. You write beautifully with a calm simplicity that I couldn’t see in your character when I met you. As long as you express yourself along with being relatable then you can’t be wrong, and you do it wonderfully. Reading your blog is a delight as I get to know you more. Thank you xx

  3. Thanks again Jen. I like the idea of letting ideas, shall I say, spill onto the blog page without too much editing as a means of writing regularly. Sometimes it is in those spillages that the true colours of our writing can be discerned.

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