Heart racing, she smashed through the flimsy barricades. “Danger”; “Stay Out”. She kicked the signs with the full force of her frustration, broken bottles crunching underfoot as she rushed past towards the derelict house. Silence screamed at her, and she covered her ears. There was no way to drown out the torment that came from within her.
Sirens began to wail in the distance. She looked about her; dark and deserted as the place was, she knew they would be out looking for her soon, if they weren’t already. She feared being dragged back, kept alive for another day of agony. If only euthanasia was legal. She’d have no problem convincing a judge the world was better off with her dead. She knew it was now or never. Already having swallowed some pills, she didn’t want to risk survival. So far she had been just as much a failure at dying as she had at living. She searched in the rubble and found a hard shard of glass with a sharp jagged edge. As she put it to her skin, she was pierced with the pain of her reality.
The end had come. Her life had amounted to little more than sixteen years of cruel breath; her rollercoaster joke of an existence crashing into nothingness.
But what if…
What if there was an escape from her prison other than death’s finality? She remembered the words of those kind but misguided strangers: “Jesus loves you, God will never leave you”. Sure. All she had ever known of this so-called loving God was one who saw her pain and ignored it. Never left her? That was even worse. He was there watching her suffer. How could he possibly love her? How could she, dirty, broken and ragged as she was, ever be loved by someone said to be so pure, so holy? Her bloodstained, evil tainted life, hand in hand with the light of the world. It was laughable. But still, what if?
She didn’t understand, she tried to block it out, but couldn’t.
“What if it’s true? What if you believe me? You can end your life today. That is your choice. I will never force my way into your life. Or, you can set aside the broken glass of the past, and follow me. It won’t be easy, but we can walk this journey together.”
She dropped the glass, and with it death’s enticement, and took a step forwards.