It feels like a knife. Scraping my mind, my heart. My inside. Just cutting. And when I’m raw and bleeding and hurting
the knife keeps on relentlessly scraping away, shaving off parts of me, until there’s nothing left.
It feels like I’ve been punched, hard, in the stomach. I’m bent over double, can’t breathe, can’t think about anyone or anything else, all I can think about is the pain and just wanting it to stop and just wanting to take a breath.

It feels like a wild animal attacking me, clawing and biting and ripping at my flesh, pulling me apart.
It feels like a prison. Locked away, solitary confinement, no one can see me, no one knows where I am or what it is like in here. There is no freedom. I’m at the mercy of the guard.
It feels like I’m drowning. Panic clutches at me, I can’t breathe, I gasp and splutter, I try to reach up, I can see hope in the distance but the weight of the water is dragging me down and I can’t make it. It’s over.

3 thoughts on “Depression

  1. Depression sucks! But know that you will find your way out of it, just don’t isolate. Try to talk to your friends that truly understand and will be there for you without judgement. From someone that struggles with it also, just know depression wants you to think you can’t win. But you can beat it! You’re stronger than depression!

  2. Jen,
    the enemy would have you believe you are alone in the darkness.
    You are not.
    Ministering spirits and faithfilled prayers are surrounding you.
    God is Present. You are loved and held dear ( by me, too)
    Find one truth, even just one Word of his Truth to hold to and it will break open the crusty shell that encases your heart and mind.
    That’s all it takes to banish all heaviness. A mere, single Word of God will banish ALL darkness when received in faith.
    Hold to it as for dear life.
    When I had Alopecea for three years, nightmares often of awaking totally bald- every day, that word came to me from Josh 1:8…to meditate on the Word day and night so that you may be careful to obey it and receive the blessing of its liberty.
    it took three years for me to finally get to the place of “NO MORE”
    It changes here and now. I will not live like this. One way or another I die today and rise to a new way of living and being.
    It was then, that I took Josh 1:8 to heart and immersed myself.
    I had peace from that day forth. It took 2 years for everything to grow back but my eyes were on the promise, not on the condition. My confidence was a blessed inner asssurance and rest. I kept my eyes there and had his peace and joy throughout.
    I became a giant slayer that day 🙂
    Heb 4 reveals that obedience can only come from the heart that chooses to believe.
    And it wil lead to rest.
    It may not FEEL like it, but you CAN set you heart on standing on God’s good promises and receive the peace that transcends all understanding. Neither God, nor all the powers in heaven or hell can keep you from choosing what you will believe. It is YOUR choice and yours alone.

    I love you and am praying for your well being on every level. God has a wonderful plan and fulfilling purpose for you that will satisfy your heart well beyond anything you have foreseen…no matter how vast your vision. 🙂
    And you WILL see it done. AMen!


  3. Like was for your openness&honesty, for saying it as it is, for helping me understand my daughter’s venomous screams at me, her punchbag.
    Love&hugs to you X

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