I was super frustrated by my run today. Every step felt hard, painful and disappointing. I ran slowly and I felt weak, so weak, as I splashed through mud and barely made it up the hills.
It was pretty though. Gosh, I will never take for granted the joy of running in the countryside. It’s my happy place; where I feel closest to God, where I feel freedom, where I am one with nature.
Which made it even more irritating that I couldn’t just “be”. I have this thing I call my “forever pace”, where I feel like I could just go on and on running forever, Forest Gump style. I am so at one with myself, my body and my running, I feel as though there is nothing that could stop me.
My forever pace didn’t work for me today. In fact, I ran slower than my usual forever pace, found it harder, and every step was achieved purely by me gritting my teeth and forcing myself onwards.
It’s not how I want my relationship with running to be. When I have runs like today, where I can barely appreciate the beauty that surrounds me because I’m punishing myself the whole way round, it makes me question why I even run. It’s become a chore, a “have to”, a task to be done and ticked off the to-do list.
But, I guess, I’m fortunate that runs like today’s one are few and far between. Most runs, even if I’m pushing myself for speed or finding it challenging, I’m still loving the moment and so thankful to run. I can’t expect to always be on top of the world, all the time, because that would be unrealistic! What’s important though is to recognise these moments for what they are, and ask myself what I’m finding hard, why I’m struggling to see the beauty and push through the pain, so I can learn from every experience. Most importantly, I can learn to listen to my body when it tells me it needs to rest and I can learn to be kind to myself.
When I run, I feel God’s pleasure. – Eric Liddell.